Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
