Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You ruined the universe
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
