she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
