2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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