Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
