I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize