I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
