I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
