do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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