I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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