Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
