fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
