I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
