Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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