Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
