I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
