Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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