i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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