Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
