he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need a burrito and a hug.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm both gender and math confused
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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