3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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