I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
