grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
