this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize