Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
