Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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