He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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