I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
