there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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