Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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