I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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