I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
