Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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