It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
