How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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