my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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