I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
