Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
