i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
