I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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