hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
