2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
