i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
