i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You're like the curious george of whores
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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