Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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