He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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