I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
