he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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