Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
