the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
not ubering you a puppy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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