Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
