I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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