by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
