walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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