My nipple is on Facebook.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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