You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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