Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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