my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
