butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
