he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
