I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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