WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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