why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
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the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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